World Cat Day 2011 Disappointment

Hello to my faithful readers. You may or may not know that my humans went on holiday for a week to someplace in the mountains. I have no idea why they would do that when they could go to one of those beach places and enjoy playing in a huge kitty toilet. But they never ask my opinion. Silly humans.

Speaking about silly humans. August 8th should be a day burned into the little brains of every human. It is World Cat Day! Don't shake your head and say you didn't know, of course you know, it is the most important day there is! I really didn't find it humourous that none of my humans acknowledged this fantastic day. I mean, it is like birthday and Christmas all wrapped up in one. How could they forget? No, being on holiday is no exception. Oh well, they will soon find that lovely little surprise I left under their bed. Maybe next year they will work harder to make it a special day for me. 

I wanted to write to you earlier, but as I was staying at my holiday home I couldn't seem to figure out the mouse on Opa's computer. I've always considered my paws to be superior to human hands, but I guess not having thumbs holds me back while doing people things. Also I'm not as young as I used to be, so I just don't have patience for these matters. In the end I had to wait until my main humans got back so I could use human B's laptop, the ironically named mouse pad is easier for my superior paws.

Oma and Opa were very excited for me to visit, so I graced them with my presence, allowing them to cater to my every whim since it seems to make them so happy.

I especially enjoy what I call the balcony game. This is where I stand expectantly in front of the balcony door as though I wish to go outside, you know, for the fresh air. If no one gets up to assist me immediately I let out one of my best frustrated meows which usually gets one of them jumping.

Then of course I need to let them know I am not happy about the delay, so once the door is open, I hesitate, looking up at whoever opened the door as if to say "about time". Usually I wait until they get annoyed and act like they are closing the door before I signal my intention that NOW I'm ready to go outside.

I get fresh moist food twice a day with dry food always available, thankfully Opa is not skimpy with that dry food. I really hate it the way human B lets that bowl get wayyyy too empty if you know what I mean. But Opa is great, I never see the bottom of the bowl when he's around. It's how I know that he loves me.

It is nice to know that they take their jobs seriously. Opa is always watching as I exit the cat box so he can immediately clean it. This is a service I wish I could get at home, but after 15 years of trying to train my human, I've given up.

Oma also knows exactly what makes me happy. She often slips me special goodies because she says I'm getting too thin. Before I come for my visit she stocks up with lots of fish and liverwurst. I've gotten to know lots of great German fishies, wursts and cheeses through her.

She even feeds me what she calls "German sushi". This must be great stuff because years ago I heard Opa being upset that Oma was feeding me what he called herring rolls and that they were too expensive to feed a cat. I was mad at him for a while after that, let me tell you. So the next time I went to the toilet I let a little bit go outside of the box. It is one of the best kitty revenge possibilities.

If they do complain I never have to hear it, in fact I never have to hear anything again, especially that really annoying neighbor dog with his incessant barking. I mean, didn't his bitch teach him anything?

It's really convenient to be deaf. In the old days when I wanted to ignore the humans as they screamed that I shouldn't be on the table, I had to work hard to control my ear movement so it wouldn't betray me. Now I don't worry about it at all.

Being deaf isn't too bad, as you can see it has its advantages. In 2005, not long after I moved to Germany I got a kitty cold with a high fever. Eventually I got better, although my hearing didn't.

Oma and Opa's apartment is in the roof area of their building, so between the slightly warmer temperatures and the actual day of sun or two while my main humans were gone, my normally sleek coat decided to finally do the summer shedding. I couldn't keep up with it and the fur flew! When human A came to pick me up after their holiday I proved my LOVE for her by sharing my beautiful beige fur with her dark blue shirt. I always think it looks so nice to have a bit of me on everything, and shedding season can really bring out the best.

The bad thing about shedding season is the brushing. They act like I can't take control of the situation or something. Also they seem to have a problem with the regurgitated hair balls I leave throughout the apartment, so they do their best to keep me distracted while they brush me. On top of that, after five minutes of brushing they pull the vacuum cleaner out and go after me with that! Now don't get me wrong, when I was younger - and could hear - I would have been under the nearest chair when that noisy thing came around. But without all of that racket to bother me, it isn't a wholly uncomfortable experience to get a little fur sucking action.

The humans took a long time to adapt, longer than me even. At first I caught them a few times as they were testing me. Once they were shaking a key ring over my head when I wasn't supposed to be looking. The silly humans didn't even think about shadows, geeze, I knew they were doing something over my head when the outline of my lovely, velvety ears was overshadowed by that silly IQ fish on human A's key ring. It took two whole years for them to figure out that vacuum thing for Sphynx's sake.

After a while I didn't really like to go outside for walks in my kitty harness and line the way I did when I was younger. The pretty blue harness that compliments my eyes so well has been hidden in the cabinet that smells like cat nip for at least three summers now.

These days my humans seem to be surprised that I know when they come home. Silly humans forget that they stink. Every morning they gross me out as they remove their furs to stand under the really fast special water dropping thing. After that they smell like soap, but by the time they get home after work, they stink. Especially human B who must run home or something, she always comes with special shoes that have metal on the bottom and sets her hard hat down in the hallway at my level. Let me tell you, I made the mistake of closer nose inspection of these things just once.

Otherwise I know they are home simply because I keep one kitty eyelid looking at the door at all times. I always lie down facing the door so I don't get any nasty surprises. The only time I can really relax and sleep heavily is at night when human A provides her arm for my head. I know that if any danger should come, she would wake me up.

I'm a little tired now.
It's time to paws and reflect.

When I'm not at my holiday home, I spend most of my time on the bed of my main human. It's nice and warm there and it smells like the human I like to sleep with. I wish they would get a bed warmer thingie before winter. Surely I could figure out how to keep it turned on throughout the day to help keep these old bones warm.


Now I will wait for next year's World Cat Day with great anticipation. Maybe some of you can help me figure out how to punish my humans for missing it this year? Ideas?

"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."
- George Mikes from "How to be Decadent"

They're BAAACK!

My main human slaves finally came back to worship me on Saturday night. They were gone entirely too long, I had no sleeping heater for three weeks, and you know that it is turning into winter!

Now it is Sunday morning and the slaves are otherwise occupied in the other room. It's the perfect time to tell you good people I am OK and will of course have trouble once again getting out regular updates.

Right now they are working on one of the big carrier thingies (you know, what they put all of their flimsy furs in when they will be away from home for a while). I overheard someone say that the combination lock on the Samsonite got twisted somehow. So I guess that NOW is a silly time to try to figure out what that combination is, huh? I think I'm safe right here for a long time.

Before they got here to restart their worshiping duties there were phone calls about delayed flights though some place named London (must be a hell hole, I've heard LOTS of calls about delays and cancellations in that place). Right after that call my substitute slaves discussed putting me in the car to take me to the airport to go pick up the main human slaves. Let me just tell you I made my way into my newest and unknown hiding spot when I heard that! The last time I went to the airport I was stuck in a box under a seat the whole way from Kansas to Berlin!

As soon as the replacement slaves took off to go get the real slaves I started to think about how best to "welcome" them back. The last time I just ignored them both for at least an hour. If they picked me up, I just turned my head away and did my best to make them put me back down. This really worked and let them know EXACTLY how I felt about them leaving me.

This time I came up with something even more ingenious. The plan was to piss off at least one of my main human slaves while making the other love me even more, but how to achieve this? After a little cat nap it came to me. When they come back, I would ignore the short, round one and show much love and attention to the tall one only. This would make the tall one overly happy and the short one upset. It worked like a dream! The tall one acted smug about it and the short one steamed. Genius I tell you!

Whoops, I just heard the Samsonwhatever thing open up. My time with you is limited.
Since I'm sure that many of you have decided to now worship me from afar, I thought I should tell you as soon as possible what I want for the upcoming holiday season... Just get me one of these and I will be happy for HOURS. That's what we all want, isn't it?
Make Frank Happy
Make Frank Happy
Make Frank Happy

Random Tuesday - Halloween Edition

How about another spin on the RTT?

Don't know what I am talking about? Visit Keely over at the Un-Mom for all the info. She has all the answers... except how to live Drama Free.

Would someone please tell the FDP Berlin that the election is over and that we are all aware that they won more votes this time than ever before? SO maybe now is a good time to take your signs down from all over Berlin. They are detracting from the graffiti. (sorry to the non-German residents... we had an election weekend before last)

Does anyone else read the license plates of the cars around them and make words out of the letters? (crickets) OK, I must be alone here. Oh well, it's not the first time.

Berlin plates start with a B then have a space and then two more letters and a few numbers. I can usually find something in this grouping such as B OY or B ed or B IG... sometimes BIG is even seen on correspondingly funny vehicles such as BIG ASS Trucks or itty bitty cars.

It really gets fun with some of the other German cities... Frankfurt is a "F", so I've seen a couple "FU" plates. Potsdam is a "P" which can be interesting, but "LDS" for an area around Berlin just has me thinking about the Latter Day Saints, hmm. Maybe I'll start taking pictures of the more funny versions... hmmm. Could be a blog post.

Recently I've been asked by a family member if the Germans celebrate Halloween. As I told her, we really haven't seen much, although it seems to be growing. Last year we had a few Trick or Treaters but they don't seem to "get it". They just ring the bell and then hold out their bags when you open the door. Not even so much as a "Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat". Oh, and no thank you or anything. (I remember this behavior from the four year olds... but here it is the twelve year olds too.)

I keep wondering what the sweet old German Omas (grandmas) are thinking when this happens at their doors...

Are there kiddie costumes in the stores? Not that I've seen. Do adults have parties? Not that I've been invited to. Will I have a party? No, I'll be scuba diving in the crystal clear, blue waters of Tahiti for Halloween this year. (not that I'm excited or anything)

BUT I did get the grins as I walked into my local grocery store a few days ago. Storck products, maker of Nimms and Lach Gummies (fruity, chewy candies) had a display of bags with individually wrapped items inside! WOW! This is an improvement.

OK, I should start my work day. Today among other more boring things I will get to go shopping for gifts for clients. For a pregnant woman I've decided on some lovely foot and leg revival from LUSH, and another recipient will get a bottle of Veuve Cliquot Champagne. Fun job, eh?

Have a fantastic Tuesday!

Just because:
Uniting American Families Act - I really wish they would pass this bit of legislation. If so, Sweet No and I (as well as hundreds of thousands of other couples world wide) would once again have some rights.

Random Tuesday - Cool Weekend Edition

Hey There! Thanks for dropping in. It's another Random Tuesday Thoughts complete with semi-scary graphic. If you want to know what that thing is all about... head on over to Keely the UnMom, she started it all. Ham? HAM? Dinosaur head? Pink star? Oh, and WHAT is that grey blob on the left side?

Let's take a ride on the bullet point express, shall we?

• I learned a few things in Kansas folks, never dally while passing a semi truck hauling pigs or especially cattle. Perhaps you can imagine what might happen. Those holes on the sides do more than let fresh air in and teh stank out.
  
• You should always live to the east of your work. This way as you drive into the office, the sun is at your back... same with coming home. Much more convenient this way, don't you think?
• This past weekend was a lovely one for me. Jul (of This non-American life) and hubby popped into Berlin for some museum hopping and general sucking up of the Berliner vibe. Although I've been reading her blog for years, meeting her in person was still a surprise. She is very much as I would have assumed, but still there are many aspects I would never have dreamed of - leading to pleasant surprise after pleasant surprise.
• This weekend we also got the keys to our new apartment! Tee hee hee... Let the work begin! Gosh, I could write an entire blog series on what it is like to change apartments in Germany. Let's just say that it is not so easy.
  
• OK... and to top off THAT wonderful news... I finally got my dream camera!!!! The Nikon D90 has been calling to me since it came out, complete with video capabilities and live action view. Tee hee hee!
  
• Sweet No and I are headed to Munich this weekend for We-Bum 2009, which is a yearly get together of expatriate bloggers. Interested in attending? It's never too late to join. Drop a line in the comments and let's talk! Watch out Munich, lots of crazy folks are on their way... and I'm not talking about Oktoberfest!
  
• My Parents-in-Law are great. They love our cat Frank so much that in order for him to be more comfortable while we are gone, they have offered to move into our apartment (amongst the boxes - I don't envy them) during the weekend. Sweet, eh? I wonder if I could ask them to box up the kitchen while they're there? Too much? OK, I won't do it. No, I won't... ahem... NO.
• Our hotel in Munich has Wi-Fi... but it costs 8EUR an hour. WHEN are hotels going to realize that this is a MAJOR selling point for geeks and just give it to us for free? If I had gotten up off my ass and booked sooner, I would have had my first choice in hotels which had FREE Wi-Fi. But ahem, alas... I didn't get a round tuit until this last weekend. We had airline tix months ago, but only because that part fell under Sweet No's job description.
• The teachers union in Kent, WA are on strike. I was a Kentridge Charger for all of about four months in 1984. Seeing this in the news reminds me of my culture shock at this school. I was side by side with Asians and Philipinos for the first time in my life. They had a school-sanctioned smoking area, and covered walking paths between buildings. This is the school where I was first "outed" as a lesbian. Until I moved to the Midwest about two months later (unrelated) I was pointed and laughed at by the students and teachers alike. Nice school, eh? It was a different world. Today I would probably have more friends just because it is now so COOL to be a lesbian. (sarcasm intact)
  

Been reading:
Taxpayer Funded Religious Bias - Father Geoff is at it again, explaining the truths of the bias of the church and how they get away with being bullies while using your tax dollars.

Been surfing:
Following The Trail Of Toxic E-Waste - 60 Minutes is still doing hard-hitting, in your face news reporting I see. But I guess it is better if they do that OUT of the country. Nonetheless the story has me thinking about how many computer monitors I've been through in the past 10 years. Yes, feeling guilty now.

Alright ladies and gentlemen, that's enough for today. Thanks for reading my rambling.

OK, and because I just think it is sooo cute...
I offer you the Durex Bunnies.
Quite possibly NSFW. Oh, and you should have sound.

Random Tuesday - Need More Discoball!

Let's have another round on the Random Tuesday Wheel... where she stops, nobody knows!

I'm kinda digging the Random Tuesday thing, big thanks goes to the UnMom for starting me on it. Now go over there and see how it's SUPPOSED to be done.

Does anybody have a Facebook friend that seems to have endless time on their hands and continuously does those inane online tests? Come on... hold it down to one a day or something... maybe you can choose to not have the results published for EVERY ONE! Folks, we don't care that you got a 88% on a questionnaire which wanted to know: "How well do you know Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"!??!!!!

Christopher Street Day 2009 in Berlin was FAAAAABUULOUS!! There is just something about 50 thumping floats, 500,000 extroverts, enough color to last 10 lifetimes and being around people very much like you, to make a girl smile.

Somewhere in my brain is a post about my feelings on the 40th Anniversary of the Stonewall Riots... um, it is rattling, but not rolling yet. Soon as my fingers find their way, I'll post what's been going on in my head (well, not everything that is going on in my head... that would simply be tooooo much I'm afraid... someone would have me arrested I'm sure).

The "Grandfather of the MP3 player", the Walkman turns 30 this week... I'm feeling rather old at this moment. How about it folks? Is there anyone else out there who carried one of these clunky things the whole way through Junior/Senior High School?

Do you enjoy night photography? Don't miss these night shots of London from above... in the sky... like in an airplane. I simply must figure out how the photog did that. Normally to get that much light the camera must remain "open" for minutes at a time. HOW on earth do you do that while hovering in a helicopter or airplane?

Speaking of airplanes, is it just me or does it seem that Airbus planes are dropping out of the sky at an alarming rate?

OK, so I admit that this flew under my radar for a while... but they closed Broadway to traffic on Times Square? Whoa!

Have you ever noticed that the P.S. has been out-moded?
(Is out-moded even an English term? Damn German!)
I used to love putting an addendum at the end of a letter... it was my way of expressing my scatter-brained train of thought.

It's been a while since Frank has appeared on the blog, let's remedy that.

Obama is trying to do good things for the gay community. These things take time people!

Prepare for REALLY OFF COLOR SNOOKER...
Best Billy Mays joke I've heard yet: "They say celebrities always die in threes (Ed McMahon, Farrah, Jacko)...Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!" R.I.P. Billy

Hooters is coming to Berlin! Before you start thinking me a misogynistic cad, you should know that I am addicted to their wings and would just as happily take my order of 10 hot/10 super hot to go!

Michael Jackson's death was foretold by the National Enquirer. Reminds me of the movie "Men in Black" where they say that the tabloids are the ones with the "real news". Perhaps if you cry wolf enough, eventually the story will coincide with an actual event. I'm not sure what is more scary, that the N.E. did this or that someone is actually archiving old issues of the rag.

OK, that's enough of this merry-go-round.
Have a lovely time checking out the other Random posters.

OH, and P.S. ... We need more Discoball!

My DIY Fisheye

I really love spring, the new buds on all the trees and bushes, the "Mother Nature" green coming out, and most of all the warmer temperatures that come with more frequent sun.

It also means that I've been spending even more time with my camera. This has lead to experimentation with different home made lenses. The picture you see here was taken with a DIY (do it yourself) Fisheye lens.

Start at a building supply house with a "peephole", like you might find in your front door. This is the thing that allows you to see into the outside world from the comfort and safety of home. I've always found the effect of the peephole kinda cool. Yes, I'm the type of annoying person who will wait until I think you are going to be looking out this hole and I will put my face up close to it... so you get a better view, you know.

Today I was doing some spring cleaning and having a "car wash" in my kitchen sink. (cue the song "Car Wash" here - depending on your age, you might go for the Rose Royce version... or maybe the Christina Aguilera N. Missy Elliot) Maybe it would be cool to take a picture of this strange moment. As I was loading it onto Flickr, I thought I might change lenses and see what the fisheye would do. (you know that all of this was MUCH more interesting than doing any actual CLEANING, right?)

Well, it isn't a perfect way to show off the fisheye, but it was cute for the experiment. You can see the first, non fisheye version here.

For my lens experiment I picked up a peephole at the previously discussed building supply house, a plastic container (in this case an Extra "Professional" gum box - aw, come on... PROFESSIONAL gum?), a 52mm UV lens filter and packing tape. Attach the peephole to one end of the gum box, attach the other end of the gum box to the lens filter, screw your new fisheye onto the camera. Voila!

Just for the heck of it, how about a picture of Fisheye Frank? To be fair, Sweet No was kinda holding his ears back... You know what? He really doesn't like that... can you believe it? I mean, not only is he one of the most photographed cats I know, but he also must suffer so much inhumane treatment at the hands of these so-called humans. Things like doing the chicken dance on two legs are just beneath him.

And because I know you're all going to run right out to the store and buy yourself the equipment for one of these cool things, I thought I would include a picture of what it all looks like.

Oh yeah also in this picture is a second lens I made very much the same way, except instead of the peephole lens, I put a child's kaleidoscope toy on it. This thing makes some freaky pictures... in fact I'm a little afraid to post them just in case someone thinks innocent Snooker has been tripping on acid or something. I took a picture of my neighbor's TV (nothing too bad about taking pictures of neighbor's windows at night is there?) and it looks trippy. Come on! His TV is HUGE. I've seen walls smaller than this guy's set. When I wanted to take a picture of a lit object at night... his TV was the first thing I thought of. See what I mean about people thinking I'm on drugs? OK, I'll go to bed now. (note to self, no more posting after midnight)


Pretty geeky, eh?

Frank's Rulz

OK, OK.
I know that not everybody enjoys cats.
If you're not a cat lover, skip this one.
If you are a cat lover, enjoy Frank's Rulz of Maintaining Dominion Over the Humans.
Yes, these are pictures of the master himself.

Guidelines for Cats

Doors
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Bathrooms
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything . . . just sit and stare.

Hampering
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

* When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

* For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

* For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

* For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Walking
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Bedtime
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

Play
This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important, though, to maintain one's dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I meant to do that!" It fools those humans every time.

Cat Games
* Catch Mouse
The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!

* King of the Hill
This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.

Warning: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

Toys
Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.

* Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.

* Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss (& Q-tips) also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on.

* When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity.

Paper Bags
Within paper bags dwell the bag mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see. But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any other cat you may find in a bag hunting for bag mice is fair game for a sneak attack, which will usually result in a great Tagmatch.

Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.

* When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.

* Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is full enough to drink from.

* Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent. Your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.

* Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget you exist. These include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of the "softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the "direct stare", and twining around people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.

Sleeping

As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.

Scratching Posts
It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is not recommended.

Humans
Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

Cats as Humanitarians
Humans have a very tenuous hold on reality and it is up to the cats to help them maintain their grasp on said reality. For instance, humans often speak to imaginary friends while holding a small object up to their ear, with no other humans in sight, obviously losing touch with the real world! A cat must put a stop to this as quickly as possible! Climb on the human and get your face right up in theirs and meow very loudly until the human acknowledges you, therefore bringing them back to reality. If that fails, you can use the top of your head to try and knock the small object out of their hand/away from their ear, which almost always succeeds in stopping their talking to thin air.

Human Inconsistency
Humans spend many hours sitting in front of a box with moving pictures, tapping tiny squares on a board with their fingertips...it is rumored that this is actually how humans sharpen their claws! Considering how sanctimonious they are when they catch cats sharpening their claws, humans obviously need a lesson in consistency. One of the best ways to do this is to walk on the board with the tiny squares...that will always get a huge reaction from the human, a good indication that you're actually teaching them something! If that doesn't work, lay on the board or throw up a furball on it! There's no good reason why humans should be allowed to sharpen their claws while forbidding cats to do so!

Cat Speak
Humans will sometimes try to speak in cat language, attempting to 'meow' at you while having no real idea what they're saying! Cats can either meow back and try and fool the human into thinking that there is a real connection going on, or they can stare at the human with a puzzled look on their face...after all, the human just told you that your mother was the whore of every tomcat in town! Did they mean that or did they simply not understand the implications of their attempting to meow? It's hard to say, as the level of human advancement in this area is very limited...about the only 'catspeak' they actually understand is "I'm starving" and "Let me out...NOW!" If they have truly insulted you or your family, feel free to either tell them how stupid they are in cat language or walk away indignantly.

The Eternal Question
When faced with the age-old question, "Is it love, or is it the cat treat?", we all know that it is the cat treat, of course. However, it is absolutely crucial that cats not let the humans know this, or the humans might stop sharing this treat with us! Always convince the human that your sudden, intense attention showered on them is LOVE! You can go back to normal behavior after the treat has been consumed!

Ich habe Schwein gehabt

Tee hee hee!
Imagine my surprise as I am listening to my favorite American radio program (NPR All Things Considered) and a story comes up about Sparkasse, a bank here in Germany.


Here was the opening that caught my ear:

"Europe is still struggling to come up with a united response to the financial crisis sweeping the continent. Amid the turmoil, however, one banking system is sound and secure.

The more than 400 savings banks in Germany's Sparkasse system have for many years followed a conservative strategy. And its clients are now reaping the benefits."
Read/hear the rest of the story here.

Cool! You know why it's so cool? It is because my local Berlin Sparkasse has the majority of my money. Well, the majority of my money in Europe anyway. We won't talk about my holdings in the States. After sneaking a peek at my Stateside portfolio earlier this week I'm VERY happy to know that the money I have here is as safe as a piggybank.

.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.000000000000000000..
(Sorry, that was Frank's addition to this post... he really likes to "help" me while I'm on the computer. Interesting how I'm writing about money and he seems to have typed out a huge series of 0's with occasional decimal points. Perhaps he was watching my American account balances closer than I thought.)

How about everyone else? Are others suffering from the whole economic crunch?
So Iceland is the first "country" to really kinda go under... who's next?

Sparkasse pic lovingly borrowed from Sparky
Originally uploaded by sparktography

Been reading:

• Thai political crisis at fever pitch
• Ever wondered about that weird lump on McCain's left jaw?
• Learning languages online with Babbel - it's almost like a video game
• "McSame?" Try "McShame" - "With Palin we encounter the purest example, in our lifetime, of a candidate whose mere presence on a national ticket demeans and pollutes the very process."

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Yes, I feel like I am back at school.
I've come back to so many responsibilities and so much catching up that it just sucks. I miss the days when I could wash, dry and put away four loads of laundry in one day... For this reason only the German system of "no dryer" sucks. My work has exploded, with two unforeseen things requiring my attention on top of the three big projects I knew I would come back to.

On top of this we spontaneously volunteered to host a book club party with three days set up time. Even in the event planning world, three days is NEVER enough. Our house had already been neglected enough, and now we need to catch up AND super tidy. Unfortunately I think that my fellow book clubbers will simply be faced with some piles of crap which have up to this point been happy waiting for me to get to them... and I think they will remain that way!

Eh, the book club folks are "real" people and I don't expect them to leave in a huff if the receipts from the last trip are piled on my desk! They might giggle behind my back though...

But hey, Frank will be on hand to entertain the crowd. Yes, Sir Himself has been blogging and has an even bigger head now that people have told him that he is beautiful and that he should be have a blog of his own. We haven't let him on the computer again though, which I think is a good thing. I had tuna in my keyboard! Can you imagine how hard it is to get that smell out of a keyboard!?! And I must say that what he did to the mouse was uncalled for. He must have been chasing the laser again and knocked it off the desk unintentionally. Opposable thumbs comes in handy in these moments.

So maybe someone is interested in what we did/saw. If not, skip to the bottom from this point.

It was a road trip... one that took us to places I've only read about up until now:
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Spyer, Germany
Schönau, Germany
Regensburg, Germany
Metzingen, Germany
Strasbourg, France
Colmar, France
We went through several other towns and cities, but there wasn't enough time to get a real feel for those cities unfortunately.

Of course I have tons of photos... 5Gb in fact. But the time to edit and share them isn't in my immediate future I'm afraid. As I get them edited down and loaded to Flickr, I'll post some here.

My poor N is so sweet about my picture-taking addiction. We will be walking along just enjoying the scenery when the mood will strike me to take a picture. She rarely gets any kind of clue that I am going to stop walking and spend a minimum of 30 seconds with no forward motion. Thankfully we've slowly worked into a system and now she can almost feel when I drop behind her. She waits patiently for me, trying to find interest in something else as I take as many as 10 photos of the same thing with different angles and focus. N certainly gets patience points.

Observations:

• I really like Amsterdam, even though we only had time to thoroughly investigate the old town area. The Anne Frank Haus is worth a visit, if only to put a human face on the horror which is the Holocaust. The Van Gogh Museum was exactly what I expected... a year by year representation of his life by looking at how his art progressed. I was disappointed to find that his most famous/best pieces are privately held or in another museum, and are not to be found in the museum which has his name. The coffeeshops are fun and interesting. Seeing all walks of life investigating Marijuana in an open and legal environment was worth an occasional laugh. It was also the first time I legally treated period cramps with the green stuff... nice.
  
• We stayed in Zaandam which is just outside of Amsterdam city proper, and were not overly thrilled with this area. However, it must be said that it was clean and orderly and there is obviously money in this formerly powerful river town. We spent a day at the Zaanse Schans which is much like poking into the past of the area. This is where we encountered our only stereotypical full-size windmills which I had expected to see.
• K.D. Lang's show in Amsterdam was lovely... as expected. I'd forgotten that she only performs barefoot, so that was a giggle moment for me. I would never consider this. Funny thing... another musician with the last name (Jonny Lang) has this barefoot on stage thing too. The crowd was great, the venue was lovely, the music spectacular, and the voice... ah, the voice was heaven!
  
• Metzingen was visited solely for the opportunity peruse the outlet stores. In advance of our approach I was wondering if there would be a need for the rental of a trailer to take away all of the items N. would find worth purchasing, but alas, she only found a few things which struck her fancy. We were able to put these into the back of the C-Max with ease and carry on our way.
• Speyer was next, and the first of the "Dom Visits". N has suggested that I picked cities which had famous domes or cathedrals, but she forgets that she picked most of the cities. This little town has a nice, easy feel about it. We enjoyed our time even though we stayed in what can only be called the Beetlejuice hotel as it was decorated in every possible place with black and white lines... UGH, and me with an astigmatism of the eye... the walls moved the whole time. Yes, it was just like the movie... I expected BJ to come along at any moment, grab me like a puppet, and make me sing and dance to the Banana Boat Song.
• Beyond a cool Dom, Speyer has a fantastic Technical Museum which occupied the better part of one whole day. Really I think I could have spent two days there, but N quickly grows weary of my waxing poetic about walking on the wing of a 747 while the plane is perched on a pedestal three stories high.
• Colmar was my first ever foray into France other than a few stopovers at Charles de Gaulle. The area is beautiful, situated in a lovely wine valley with mountains on the western edge. This small city was the birthplace of Frédéric Bartholdi who was the sculptor of the original Statue of Liberty. To hold on to that bit of history (and to get the almighty tourist dollar) the city erected a 1/4 size replica of Lady Liberty in a roundabout situated right in the middle of a long stripmall area... Geeze. We saw the thing by mistake and decided to hop out and take a picture. Photographing this statue twice in one year on separate continents was just too good of a thing to miss. As we were getting ready to leave, a young couple with German car plates tooled up, ready to do the same thing.
• Strasbourg France was built up very large in our imaginations. We had both heard so much about it that we were quite excited to finally get a peek at its UNESCO World Heritage city center. What we didn't count on is that the day we had picked to visit, the city would be FILLED with what can only be called a junk market. Every single one of these beautiful and historic streets were littered with junk stalls. People selling crappy T-shirts, sunglasses, döner kebap, more T-shirts, one or two fruit stands, more sunglasses, the latest kitchen gadget, more kebaps, overpriced drinks, you get my drift. The only area not congested with the trashy white tents was the area directly around the huge Cathedral. What a beautiful cathedral it is, too. We walked around it to get the full feel, but were turned off by the whole Trödel Markt feel of the place. We even ended up going back to the hotel in Colmar early, tired and disgusted.
  
• One place that didn't leave us disappointed was the The château du Haut-Kœnigsbourg which sits above one of the highest peaks in the Alsace wine route region. First off, what a spectacular view of the hills and valley! Second off... what a fascinating and beautiful place. We probably took 200 pictures. Once again, when I find the time I'll post some.
  
• Schönau was a quick situation. We had decided to try to investigate a bit of the Black Forest. Oh MY! This place will certainly be visited again. Now I know why both my Grandfather and my Father fell in love with the area. Unfortunately Mother Nature didn't want to share her Schwarzwald beauty easily. As we drove to our destination we felt happy each time we would begin to again climb a hill because the amount of rain falling simply made me think about flash flooding. When we finally got to Schönau we considered long and hard if we wanted to spend the next two days in the horrible rain storms predicted. Eventually the answer was no.
• Which brings us to the final stop in this wild road trip. Regensburg. Kinda ironic that we were working to escape rain by basically going to a town that is translated as "Rain City". But happily it was not raining there, in fact we had splendid weather to check out it's stunning cathedral. OMG! How do these little towns manage to be so charming? Our stop was just a quick one, but I'm certain that we will be going back. Sorry Cliff, we got there on a Sunday night and headed out by 5 on Monday.
  

Oh well, there it is. Now I feel like I need to come up with the visual aids for my "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" speech in front of the class. I promise the pictures will be coming soon... Maybe I should have Frank edit them.

Been reading:

• How Obama Became Acting President
• The Berlin Obama Didn't See

Kitty Yoga

Hello, Frank again....

The girls are on their way back home.
Soon my ready supply of hackpeter will disappear along with humans which still humor me ceaselessly. My temporary keepers are more than willing to jump out of their chairs at my every whim, including allowing me to stroll about the balcony at will.

What else could a kitty king want?

This also means I have only one or two more chances to educate the people of the world in the plight of some of my less fortunate feline friends.

I would like to introduce you to Ovaria, she is a hot tabby held captive by an evil man named Yogi Karl. I find her face very attractive, but I don't think I could get past the long fur... I'm just not a guy who is into unnecessary fur length.

I warn you, the video below is not for the squeamish. Ovaria is subjected to the extreme lengths of cat abuse which is practiced by kitty yoga freaks worldwide. She does however get back at Yogi Karl in the end. MeOWW for her!

Would you like to learn how to combat this atrocity? Start by visiting the YogaKitty home page.

Cat d’état!!!

Stuff On My Cat

Hello, my name is Frank.
Snooker has gone off to play and left me with some nice people who are feeding me tuna, bacon, and giving me milk... I'm not sure I care if she ever comes back.

I have More Outrageous Things to show the world!
This website should be brought down immediately! The picture below is more evidence of disgusting abuse against my feline brothers and sisters! A GUN! They hold her down with a GUN! Do I have to show you any more revolting images before you get out and DO something!

Cat d’état!!!

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

This is Frank again.

My humans are still gone... probably smoking themselves silly in Amsterdam. I heard Grandpa telling Grandma (my temporary food providers) that the girls were doing their best to enjoy it even though once an hour the sky opens up and it rains cats and dogs. CAT and DOGS? Does this mean that they are in this 'dam' city to get a dog? KNOW they aren't there to get a cat... how could they possibly improve on the perfection that is me?

Can you believe it? The following video is out there for all humans to see... and I think it is shameless! I would write to YouTube, but my paws hurt after just a few sentences.

How can humans be so heartless? Corporal Cuddling??
These things should be punished! Cat Yodeling! Who comes up with this stuff?

All I can say is that I am with my brothers and sisters in that house, and I say that we should rise up!

Cat d’état!!!

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Everybody is Welcome to My Advice

Hello.
My name is Frank.

The humans are gone.
And now I get to play!
So what is this blog thing all about?

Here is something I found on the Interweb thingy.
I think it is good advice for the humans that take themselves WAY too seriously.
Life is simple... eat, poop, sleep... eat, poop, sleep.

Great video! Read the words, live the words, BE the words.

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
A newspaper column by Mary Schmich, published by the Chicago Tribune on 01 June 1997.

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who’d rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there’s no reason we can’t entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Strikes, Snow and Chaos... Oh My!

Today was the first day of a public transport strike in Berlin... and of course it had to snow during the morning rush hour. I bet that Ver.di were throwing a huge party watching Berliners by the thousands just trying to get to work in the not-so-nice conditions. Check out some more pictures.

We are experiencing a set of public-sector strikes which is effecting not only public transportation, but airlines, garbage collection (street cleaning), hospitals, and other sectors. All in all over 100,000 people are on strike which of course causes problems all over the city.

My boss and I discussed one major image problem for Berlin, the ITB. It is the world's biggest tourism fair, and it just started today. Kinda hard to get that many people around the city without public transport... so of course it doesn't look good for the Hauptstadt. In my business this is the stuff nightmares are made of.

On top of that, right now Hanover is hosting the mammoth CeBIT, the largest electronics trade show in Europe. Yesterday was the opening day and evidently was rather chaotic because the public transport went on strike causing delays. Of course the airports are basically at a standstill and it is possible that public transport in Hanover could strike again.

Fortunately we know about these things in advance, so there is time to plan. This morning I took the bike to the gym and eventually the office, only getting caught in white-out conditions once. Although it was cold as a witch's tit in a brass bra I must admit that riding the bike to work is really a nice experience and I should do it more often.

The sights, sounds and smells of the city are so exciting to me, yet they easily get lost while riding in the car or taking the bus. Berlin has it's own smell which is hard to enjoy unless you are out in it. After a light rain everything seems so clean and fresh, it is hard to imagine that there are three million people living around me. Pretty strange to hear from a "country girl", eh?

The subways have their own aroma... In the beginning I thought it wasn't very nice, but I've grown accustomed to it and now even I enjoy it, finding myself looking forward to that WHOOSH of air coming out of the entrance as I walk down into the tunnel and a train comes or goes. I've learned that I dislike it completely when they clean the stations and use some kind of perfume which simply covers the normal smell and thankfully only lasts a few days.

Oh well, Frank (the cat) is letting me know that it is time to go to bed. He walks into the bedroom where N. is peacefully sleeping and commences howling. Not normal howling, no. This is the kind of noise that has the neighbors envisioning us hanging him by his tail or something. So of course I go to the rescue, flying into the room, disturbing N. even more and quickly escorting him out. This has happened twice already, and he just left this room again... headed for the bedroom... Yup, there he goes! I'm outta here!

My New Playtoy

Thanks to N. I have a new playtoy. A Nikon D40X! She was sweet enough to buy it for my 40th birthday! What a nice present! I ALWAYS carry a camera with me at all times, and while this one is a bit big to carry like that, it will most certainly be at my side for special occasions!

It is a sweet starter digital SLR that came with the first lens - AF-S DX Zoom-Nikkor 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6G ED II - for those of you who might care. It has a built-in flash AND a boot for a flash attachment. I have a bit of experience with 35mm, even taking a class or two, including developing and printing. I cut my teeth on the first Kodak instant camera given to be for my 10th birthday (this was the one that Polaroid sued over ... seems Kodak stole the technology which Polaroid had patented... hmm... Microsoft/Apple comes to mind). Since that instant camera I've had many others. My first digital actually saved its 2 megapixel pic to floppy discs, and I've gone through about six other digital point and shoots in the course of the years. My Dad really helped me along with the photography bug. He had a powerful Mamiya/Sekor 1000 DTL with four lenses which he would let me borrow in my teenage years, and later he even gave me an old Argus 35mm that he bought when he was stationed in Germany in the Cold War. It is compact with a static lens but fantastic German optics. It was the first of its kind to have a light meter built right in!! I still have that thing... of course it still takes great pictures... they're film and much harder to manipulate in Photoshop!

But using all of these different cameras taught me the nuts and bolts of the thing... unfortunately I have no talent for "finding" those arty pictures, it simply isn't in me. I see pictures from talented people all of the time which just make my mouth water... but I simply can't make that happen. So I take pictures of people and places and they at least record a time and place and that is pretty much OK to me.

Speaking of pictures. I just realized that no one has been subjected to pictures of my cat recently... Here are a few of Frank taken with the new Nikon.

Cheddar the Cheeze Man

Our little household has had a feline visitor this past week. His Mommy and Daddy are vacationing in Mallorca enjoying sun and temps in the high teens (middle 60's F) as we freeze here in Berlin.

Our visitor's name is Cheddar, but he very often gets called Cheeze-Man or Chester Cheeze here in this house. He's a rather annoying youngster that tends to irritate our grumpy old man Frank. Ya gotta understand, Frank is probably 10 years older than the Cheeze Man, and on top of that, he's stone deaf.

Here's a pic of the Cheeze Man:
It's rare to get him sitting still this long.
Mere seconds after this photo he was once again flying through the air to attack something else.
Nothing is safe in our apartment. Nora's juggling balls are a favorite right now... they are strewn hither and yon just waiting for the black-nosed fiend's next strike.


Cute, eh? Don't be fooled, he is a devil in angel's fur!
Frank simply doesn't move as fast as he did in his youth... our visitor just runs up behind Frank, does something annoying, usually a little nip or a bit of paw boxing, jumps over the old boy, and runs off... mostly before Frank even knows what happened. The original Hit and Run Kitty.

Good 'ole Frankie Blue Eyes

So We Have This Fat Cat

My Master's name is Frank, pronounced the good old American way... not the German way which sounds more like Fronk (rhyming with honk). He's about 12 years old and simply knows that our house is his dominion, and we are but allowed to live here. Of course we are his slaves, put to work getting him food upon request and occasionally making the fuzzy little white "mousie" move for his entertainment.

What is a little different about this guy is that he is rather large. When Frank and I moved to Germany, he was tipping the scale at 19lbs (8.61kg). You see, in America he was simply waiting 10 or 12 hours a day for my return so he could command me to give him more food. Here his life is a bit different. He's had to deal with a minor diet and he gets action (not that kind of action - I mean movement!) Plus with me being unemployed so long he's been incredibly busy following me around the house during chores making sure I am doing everything right... this is a full-time job!

Well his new vet suggested a lot more exercise, so you guessed it we've been trying to figure out ways to get an apartment cat more exercise. Letting him out in the big city isn't really an option, so we are doing the next best thing... we take him for walks! Yes, we put a harness on the cat (it matches his eyes, blue, of course) and take him out to walk around the neighborhood. Man, I have to tell you we get some WILD looks! Some people are friendly and want to talk with him; others just pass by trying to look like they're not staring in our direction. I assume that many of them just think I'm crazy.

Now you must understand that Berliners LOVE their dogs! They take them everywhere. Not a day will go by that you don't see a rather bored-looking Berliner walking down the street with a dog at the end of a line. It is a constant thing to see dogs riding the subways and busses. What blew my mind was seeing them in large department stores and supermarkets just walking along so well-mannered. Even the out-of-work punks almost always have dogs! Of course they must have enough money for cigs and beer, so I imagine the dogs help quite a bit with dumpster-diving when they can't afford food.

OK, back to Frank and his "excursions". He's been all around the neighborhood, and I must say he looks rather smart at the end of his tether. Occasionally a dog will cross his path but Frank barely reacts. He just watches the dog with the interest you see in a cow at a passing car. Once we were in a park enjoying the sun and his life was disrupted temporarily by a silly little mutt that kept taunting Frank. The dog was about 3/4 the size of my king-size kitty. Of course my clever tiger just kept a keen eye on the yapping monster as she passed. Every once in a while the dog we eventually came to know as "Daisy" would rush closer to Frank, never getting to within 6 feet of that scary kitty. After about 5 minutes of this senseless barking and running around, Daisy's Mom made the daft pooch leave the scene mentioning something about how that kitty just didn't want to play. What she didn't know is that Frank would have played with that dog, he would have been happy to throw Daisy to the ground and let her know in a proper way that Frank don't take no shit from yappy mongrels.

Well the cold temperatures keep us indoors, just too cold to take him out and about. So now to get a bit of exercise we are going up and down the stairs of the apartment house. Four floors is nothing to sneeze at for a guy with 7 inch legs! So far we haven't met any of the neighbors, but I bet it will happen some day. Can you imagine the conversation? "Hey, did you know that crazy American is on the stairs with a CAT on a LEASH?" "Yeah, saw them last week, I wonder what weird thing she'll do next."