NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

"We the sensible people of the United States, in
an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some
semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden,
delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold
these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of
people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so
dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new
car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More
power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no
one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never
be offended. This country is based on freedom, and
that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of
idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be
free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your
eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the
tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free
food and housing. Americans are the most charitable
people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in
need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free
health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of
public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to
physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape,
intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the
electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the
possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce
away the goods or services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and
lock you away in a place where you still won't have
the right to a big screen color TV or a life of
leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a
job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will
gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you
to take advantage of the opportunities of education
and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to
happiness. Being an American means that you have the
right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is
a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over
abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who
were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country.
We don't care where you are from, English is our
language. Learn it or go back to wherever you
came from!

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change
our country's history or heritage. This country was
founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you
are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any
faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of
persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is
part of our heritage and history, and if you are
uncomfortable with it,
TOUGH!