Do you remember the day you chose to be straight?

Do you remember the day you chose to be straight?

No, I suppose that you don't.

Just like I don't remember the day I chose to be a lesbian.

The reason?
Because we didn't choose.
Simple as that.

However, I do remember the day I realised that I was different, also the day I understood that I liked girls the same way all my friends liked boys, and I will never forget the day it was hammered home that all of these feelings were best kept under wraps... each one of these days happened before my 7th birthday.

Today I was in a friendly conversation with an older man who lives in my neighborhood. We wave on sight, and if we are near to each other we take a few moments out for a bit of conversation. 

We were talking about the hot weather and how Berlin really doesn't see so much of this kind of heat. We talked about our last towns... his in Bavaria, and mine in Kansas. He said that he missed snow, and I said that I missed exciting weather (I have a thing about thunderstorms, and European weather just doesn't have enough to suit me). 

After this he asked the question which so many come to eventually, "Why did you come to Berlin?". 

Since it has always been important for me to be open about these things, I gave him my stock answer, "I fell in love with a wonderful lady Berliner". 

Like many people who do not know me well, he was taken aback. His gaze intensified as the wheels started turning. After all had been put to rights in his brain, he popped out with one of the more creative responses I've heard, "Soon you will realise that you want children, and another woman cannot give you this; then you will choose a nice man and settle down". 

You need to know that I'm 46 years old, which puts me out of the child-bearing years... but to an octagenarian, I'm just one of those "kids", I'm sure.

In the end his assertion that I would change my mind later is just a variation on the "you're just in a phase", idea... which has always bugged me.

I'm so sick and tired of the old ideas that homosexuality is a phase, a choice, and/or a sickness which can be cured. The same goes for the idea of 'gay recruiting'. If you are really straight... do you think you can be 'turned' gay?

Were heterosexuals born that way, or did they choose it? I have been known to ask them what they think. Often they are agasp! "Boh! Well, I never chose to be straight, I am just this way". Why should my answer be any different?

If it were simply a matter of conditioning, then everyone would be straight. Mom and Pop are just the beginning.Try and imagine the world in topsy-turvey mode. Imagine every TV show, book, magazine and movie tells you that you should be GAY. You know you aren't, you know that you won't be happy that way... but everyone and everything is telling you that is your path. How would you handle it?

All of this conditioning, all of this peer pressure to be straight, every indication around you telling you to be one way... yet you are most decidedly headed in a different direction. This is what it is like to grow up homosexual in a heterosexual environment.

Turns out there is substantial evidence of genetic and prenatal components involved in sexual orientation, not to mention the hundreds of species which exhibit same-sex behaviors. In the end it has been proven time and again that a combination of genetic, hormonal and social factors determine sexual orientation and that the only "choice" made by people like me is whether to ignore the way we are and conform to society's expectations; or to live our lives as we feel most comfortable.

Rather than try to explain all of these factors to this nice man who was still wearing his customary smile, I told him that with two women in the relationship, there are twice as many possibilities for babies... if we were so inclined. We laughed it off, and went on to discuss his grandchildren who had come for a visit on the previous long weekend.

To my mind, being gay is no more of a "choice" than being left-handed and has many similarities.  

What do you think?
What day did you choose your sexual preferences?
 

And Still I Rise

Because I loved her
Because she was my spiritual Mother
Because she opened my eyes to oppression and how to peacefully resist it
Because she showed me what a human being can overcome
Because she opened the door for me to better understand humankind
Because I love her books, her voice, her philosophy, and her spirit...

For all these reasons and so many more; I will mourn Maya Angelou.

I am saddened by her passing, but her words dance still in my heart.

Still I Rise
Maya Angelou, 1928-2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

For the tiny minority still reading, here are some favorite quotes:

• Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

• If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

• There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story.

• I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

• We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

• You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

• My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

• I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

• I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

• The love of the family, the love of the person can heal. It heals the scars left by a larger society. A massive, powerful society.

• Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.

• Nothing will work unless you do.

• It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

• I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

• Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

You don't have to be a brain to be boss, just an Asshole.

When the Body was First Made,
All Its Parts Wanted to be Boss... 

THE BRAIN SAID : Since I control everything and do all the work I should be boss. 

THE FEET SAID: Since I carry man where he wants to go and get him to do what the Brain wants, I should be boss. 

THE HANDS SAID: Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep all the rest of you going, I should be boss. 

THE EYES SAID: Since I must look out for all of you and tell you where danger lurks, I should be boss. 

And so it went with the Heart, the Ears, and the Lungs. 

Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded that he be boss. All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of an asshole being boss. 

The Asshole was so angered that he blocked himself off and refused to function. Soon the Brain was feverish, the Eyes crossed and ached, the Feet were too weak to walk, the Hands hung limply at his side, the Heart and Lungs struggled to keep going. 

All pleaded with the Brain to relent and let the Asshole be boss, and so it happened. All parts did the work and the Asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of shit. 

MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be boss, just an Asshole.

Years ago I saw this text on a poster in Spencer's Gifts (ya'll Americans remember Spencer's, don't ya?). Every once in a while it pops into my head in daily life. It is oh. so. true.
P.S. This isn't about my boss, just about anyone who is in control simply because they are an asshole.

Douglas Adams was absolutely right...

“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:

1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.

3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.”

― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

 

So you still think homosexuality is sinful?

Words of Wisdom from Max Ehrmann

Sometimes I am faced with hard situations in life in which I find myself questioning how my life is unfolding, and am I really following the right path. 

In these times I take into consideration the inspirational words of some wonderful people who have come before me. For example I really enjoy "Wear Sunscreen" by Mary Schmich, or "If" by Rudyard Kipling. Charles Swindoll helped me through trying times in the past with his motivational prose, "Attitude" which reminds me that it doesn't matter what someone does to me... the only power I truly have is how I react to what they've done.

By contrast, Desiderata is for me more of a list of attributes I aspire to.
I would be interested to know what others look to in turbulent times. Please feel free to add to the comments section those writings which you use for reflection.

Desiderata

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. 

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

And for those who are more ... visual

NiO

I'm going to vent a bit here.
This morning on my way to work I was blown away watching the behavior of two of Charlottenburg's Ordnunsämter.

For those not in the know, the Ordungsamt is a bit like a police agency who have the lovely "meter maid" type duties, e.g., ticketing people who park illegally, cross the street against the light, dogs shitting on the sidewalk without the owner cleaning it up (oh, excuse me... that is indeed illegal, but it is laughable to think that the Ordungsamt actually does anything about that), if the behavior is "out of order"... thus "nicht in Ordnung", these guys are the ones you have to watch out for.

Ordnung is very important to the great majority of Germans. If you witness someone falling and you ask if everything is OK, the most likely response (if they are actually OK) will be "alles in Ordnung". Another important phrase is "Ordnung muss sein" (there must be order). The stereotype holds true for most of the Germans I've known... they want EVERYTHING in order.

Which makes the following even MORE silly when you realize that it happened on German streets with people specifically beset with the challenge of keeping OTHERS "in Ordnung".

There is a school zone on one of the streets I travel every day. In that same area is what I believe to be a Jewish school or Synagogue. I know this only because there are two Berlin policemen standing at the door every day. The only other place I've seen 'da po po's hanging around would be the Mayor's apartment.

Often I watch with a smile on my face and a healthy bit of Schadenfreude as cars fly by me, completely ignoring the school speed limit until they get to the place that they can suddenly see the police, then immediately the brake lights come on and they end up going the school speed limit for the next few meters, having little idea that the policemen couldn't actually care less about the speeding infraction because they are there for a different purpose.

Experience has taught me that only the cars which ignore the speed limit completely and actually go faster than 50 will make it to the next light before it turns red. I know that no matter what, Mimi the scooter and I will NEVER make this light even if the school zone speed limit is not yet valid (too early in the morning, or late in the evening), because I can't go over 50 even if I wanted to.

This morning as I was sitting in "pole position" at the red light before the school zone street, I looked to my left and saw in the next lane a car from the Ordnungsamt. I recognized the passenger as an Ordnunsämter who about a month ago went to the trouble of leaving the street and getting off his bicycle to give me hell because I drove (instead of walked) my scooter 10m (10 yards) on the 15m wide walkway as I parked it legally (in this same area) one rainy morning (with no pedestrians in sight, mind you).

As the light turned green I realized that it was a moment to see how well these men in charge of order actually remain "in ordnung" because we would be coming to the aforementioned school speed zone very quickly.

While passing the sign they didn't slow down at ALL, in fact, still accelerating WAY past the 30 restriction and putting a big distance between themselves and the cars behind them. Then I saw their brake lights come on suddenly and assumed they had realized their error. No, that error was mine. They were slowing down to wave at the two REAL Berlin police officers I talked about earlier. As soon as the wave was returned, they sped up again and made it to the next light JUST in time to go through it as it was yellow (turning red AS they were in the intersection).


Basically I want to know WHY I HAVE TO OBEY THE RULES, YET THEY DO NOT?


Been reading:

• A moving "coming out story from the Onion (thanks Regensblogers!)
• Stand With Me, Jose Antonio Vargas, for a New Conversation about Immigration

Truths for Mature Adults

The numbered sentences you are about to read were shamelessly stolen. However, I'm certain it wasn't the first world-wide occurrence of Internet theft this month, this week, day, minute, or millisecond for that matter.

The blog I've victimized is normally written by Maria of "just eat your cupcake". Very rarely does she copy/paste her entries, and the rare meme is usually popped back out as a question for her readers.

Hers is a blog which is written directly through the outwardly guarded heart of a 50-something, American Mid-western mother in a long-term relationship with a woman she met in college.

She has a talent for unfolding her past and exposing her present for us to see, and doing it beautifully I might add. She can turn a phrase and tell a tale. I dare you to read this entry which is a primer for Maria's life. It is bit long for the average Netizen, but at least take a tour and see if you like. 

Back to the thievery. I've stolen one of her posts and added some other things I've had locked away for some time. 

Number 11 is my favorite of all, I think. (Bad decisions make good stories.) Isn't that the truth? Some of the most interesting people I've ever met have made some of the biggest life f**kups I've ever heard of.

TRUTHS FOR MATURE ADULTS

1) I think part of a best friend's job upon your death should be to immediately wipe your computer history.

2) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3) I totally take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5) How the hell are you supposed to reasonably fold a fitted sheet?

6) Was learning cursive really necessary?

7) When asked, no one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

8) Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

9) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

10) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I call back immediately, it rings six times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

11) Bad decisions make good stories.

12) People who eat at hotel restaurants, don’t deserve to visit other countries.

11) You never know when it will strike but occasionally there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13) I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

14) Police officers always ask you questions you both know the answer to.

15) Bluetooth headsets look completely moronic.

16) Good music was made (and continues to be made) in every decade. People claiming otherwise tend to have stopped listening to music in whatever decade they say was the best.

14) Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

15) I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

16) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17) Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

18) When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

19) When you have 10 channels, you can always find something to watch. When you have 500, you complain there’s nothing on.

19) Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie/read a book/listen to a song that I ran across when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw/read/heard it.

20) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble fishing their car keys out of their pocket or locating their mobile phones. But I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

22) Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

23) Flight deals continue to be reported without taxes included, even though everyone hates this.

24) Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

25) The first testicular guard, the "Cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is important too.

Hey, remember to visit Maria's blog.

WEBMU WE-BUM Whatever...

Well, I could spend this whole blog post talking about the Whiny Expat Blogger Meet Up in Hamburg which happened... oh what... 4 weeks ago? But you know what? Others have covered it quite succinctly and may I just say that I assume they remember it better than I do anyway. What I DO remember is the great time I had. I would like to thank our wonderful hosts, Ian from Letters Home, Mandy from No Apathy Allowed, Emily at Transkitten and PapaScott

People ask me why I always have a camera in my hand... it's because dammit, I want to have SOME recollection of what happened!

Seriously, even Claire of Cheeseburgers and Sauerkraut has hammered out some time to talk about it and the poodle had been AWOL for a long time, you know?

So here is what kept occurring to me while exploring the city of Hamburg with a lovely, noisy, interesting, smart and funny group like this one. If I had met these people in other circumstances, would we have become such fast friends?

I will admit that there are blogs I read regularly, and others that get my time if I have the time. Some of them are classified as "my peeps", others are people I read because I know that my peeps read them. Does that make sense?

If we were not all sharing this same experience, would we want to get to know each other like we do? Would we really be grasping out for others "like us"?

I've come to the realization that my Sweet (German) No is not going to understand the odd American reference. She simply doesn't get it when I throw something out like, "Please don't squeeze the Charmin", or "Give it to Mikey, he won't eat it, he hates everything", or how my bologna has a first and second name, or "If they take my stapler, then I'll set the building on fire". American pop culture references are lost on her as her German cultural references are lost on me. Yes, I know about "Der Struwwelpeter", (only because I read it in my search for that spark to get me into the German language/culture) no I never heard of the book outside of this country. After 5 years in Germany I know all about "Dinner for one". But my German friends still don't seem to understand that just because it is in English does not mean that every English speaker in the world knows it like the Germans do. Why the oft repeated phrase "Same procedure as every year" should be funny was lost on me until December 31, 2005.

Music is another experience which she and I simply don't share. Since coming here I've been exposed to much more of the pop music she grew up with, so yes, I know how to exclaim "Who the fuck is Alice?" at the appropriate moments, or when to jump up and down while dancing to that silly schlager song.

I don't work with Americans, and although I have a few American friends here in Berlin, I really don't see them often. So being with this group in Hamburg was an experience for me, as always. Not only am I assailed by so much English around me, but the cultural references grab me and put a smile on my face.

One of my WEBUM roommates (u know who u r) would whistle half a bar of a tune and my ears would pick up on it immediately. This is not to say that I don't get to hear music, or that the Germans aren't exposed to lots of American music... just that whistling the tune to 867-5309 in my vicinity kinda makes me jump a bit. I'm not used to someone actually sharing my culture, in fact I find that I really like it in a nostalgic way.

OK, so let's get back to the topic. Is simply being an expat enough of a basis for a friendship? Is the fact that we have moved to this country from the same country a good reason for us to get buddy buddy? Trust me, I've met some expats here in Berlin that I would NEVER hang out with, and certainly wouldn't have given them the time of day "back home", but we run in the same circles... thus we bump into each other from time to time. ugh.

At the same time I've found that I really enjoy spending time with Yelli, even though in our former lives we probably would have never met up. For one she is a teacher, of science no less. Next division is that she is a mommy of two really cute boys. (gotta mention the scientist hubby is really a great guy and I really enjoy spending time around them both). Although I really don't feel that it divides us, it should be mentioned that she is straight and of course I'm a lesbo, ya know?

The point is that even if we had lived in the same town in America, it is highly unlikely that we would have become buddies, as we really don't have so much in common. I'm just not hanging around in many playgrounds or science labs and I seriously doubt that she's put in a lot of time in gay places or wherever else I would spend my free time. Yet we meet up once in a while and I really enjoy chatting with her. Since she continues to call me for meet-ups, I assume that she's enjoying our time together as well.

So please, what do you think? Do we American expats become such fast friends because we have the expat thing in common? Are we searching for someone with our own culture as a way of staving off Heimweh (homesickness in German), or is the German stereotype correct when they say is it just the American way... making fast friends and abandoning them when maintaining the relationship is no longer convenient?

Been reading:

• Religion test stumps most Americans. Once again atheists and agnostics are shown to know more about the world's religions than American Christians.
• Conservative Christians tackle divorce - IMHO they should set to rights their own house (and divorce statistics) before jumping all over the gays for "ruining the institution of marriage".
• Me TOO!
• Jumping on the Anti-Beck bandwagon - Donald Duck faces no job and a mortgage... and Glen Beck offers his own special type of advice.

Too old for... ?

Goofball over at Goofballsworld has tagged me in a meme.
Don't close the window yet... give us a chance. 

Normally I'm not into memes, but this one struck me as interesting.

"It doesn't matter how young or how old you are, we all do stuff that we are secretly too old for: stuff that we'd rather not want the others to know because they'd not consider it suitable for our age. So what are you too old for but what can't you stop doing because you like it that much?"

Well, here I am at the commonly accepted "middle age". The 40's have just begun and I must face that the downward spiral has also started on many facets of life. There are things which I simply will never get to do. No, I won't be partying with AC/DC anytime soon, and that teenage dream of owning a penthouse over Manhattan, I don't see it coming true either.

According to society I should have settled down at least in my 30's and started having kids. Well, pffft on that. I should have bought a house or at least an apartment. Pfft. I should have a comfy retirement fund started or at least some heavy guilt (OK, so I have a retirement fund... no pfft there).

Looking at life from the perspective of what society deems "normal" for each decade of life, I would have to say that generally I buck the system at every chance.

So why should acting my age be something I actually do?

Why is it that we allow society to decide what is right to do at what time of life? Goofball talks about how she loves to swing on swing-sets. She discusses the fact that the sizes are most generally geared to children, thus it isn't so easy to use them in the same way... BUT, she still loves the sensation... and I'm sure she can still fit IN the swing. Why should she feel badly about enjoying something so natural? Just because society tells us that she's too old?

I say Pfft!

• If I want to play video games all night long, I'll do it.
• If I want to buy the BIG LOLLIPOP and suck on it until I'm down to the stick, I will do it... and I will hold the sticky stick however I want!
• If I want to wear a Mickey Mouse Watch, I will do it.
• If I want to eat desert before the main meal, why not? Life is uncertain. Eat desert first!
• If I want to sit on the floor at the bookstore and enjoy going through the stacks while crawling around, I'll get my pants dirty.
• Bubble gum, you bet!
• Rainbow Koosh Ball on my work desk... sure!
• If I want to blow off a meeting to lie in a park enjoying the afternoon sun on my face, I'm going to do it.
• Dancing like a wild thing at festivals... oh yeah!
• Eating "Kiddie Cereal"... you bet!
• Riding Screaming Mimi the bright blue scooter as a 42 year old...? Why the hell not?
• Air guitar in the mirror... yup, I'm that girl.
• If I'm flipping through channels and come across a Muppet Show re-run, I'm going to watch it because it's funny.
• If I want to listen to heavy metal at full volume while wearing my headphones, why shouldn't I?
• If I want to have a flag pole on the back of my bicycle, I'll do it! (Note, get a flag for the bicycle - it sounds cool)
• If I want to go to a theme park and ride every damn ride there is, as long as there is no puking involved.. I'm in!

I don't care what people say or do, and no one else should either.

Whose life are we living?

Are we really here to gain the approval of others?

Will they be beside us at our deathbeds saying how right we were to obey all of society's rules?
No.

Do I want to get to the "jumping off place" only to have regrets about the way I've lived my life?
No.

"I want to die young at a ripe old age."
- Ashley Montagu

Remember:
Ageism will catch up with you.

So what do you do which defies society's ageism norms?
Come on... you know you do... or at least you WANT to!

Happy World Oceans Day...

Seriously... it is World Oceans Day.

It brings tears to my eyes when I see the images of the dead and dying ocean creatures; so I will spare you that. But this National Geographic site is well worth a visit to learn a bit about what animals/fish are most likely to be impacted, and this site will show options for what the average person can do to help.

Perhaps getting 50,000 volunteers into the areas in danger to witness that carnage would be a catalyst for change...

Judgement call

Saturday night Sweet No and I had a lovely dinner at one of our favorite haunts with a couple of friends. The food was wonderful as always, the atmosphere is quite nice, the wait staff friendly and helpful. Normally I would give the place a plug because generally I am so very happy with them, but what follows might not be so nice.

First for any folks who aren't knowledgeable about German restaurant paying traditions, I will let you know how we go about these things. After the meal the diners must track down and sometimes almost tackle the waiter/waitress to ask them for the bill. If paying as one, then the bill is settled right at the table. The server will produce a printed receipt and the customer will state a figure they are willing to pay, usually rounding up to the next Euro to add a tip, or if there are several people, include a few extra Euro. Then the waitress says thank you for the tip and gives the appropriate amount of money back.

But if you are in a group with people paying separately, this is where it becomes interesting. The waitress comes to the table with a printed receipt and asks what the first payer had through the evening. As the customer declares their part of the bill, the waitress makes a tick mark, eventually adding up all the ticks for a grand total for that customer. Then they are charged, tip is exchanged, and move on to the next person at the table until finished.

Back to Saturday night. Our bill was to be split into two sections, one for our friends across the table, one for No and Snooker. As our friends paid first, this meant that we would normally just pay the leftovers, making it a simple matter of subtraction of the total minus what our friends had already paid.

When I suggested this instead of the tick situation, the waitress frowned and said this wasn't possible, that part of our order was not on this bill. It seems that she had brought the receipt yet the most expensive part was not on this bill. My meal, over 16 Euro, was not included. I gave the young lady a face which let her know I wasn't happy, and she asked with a puckered-up face if we really needed an official receipt. As No answered that wouldn't be necessary, I watched the cat's ass face turn back into a smile. Eventually it was all figured out, money paid and she went away.

Immediately after she left I asked if I had missed something in that conversation (she dealt with No, the conversation was mostly whispered in German -- and let's face it, I was at a disadvantage there) that explained WHY the most expensive thing on our bill didn't happen to be on the receipt. No one else had an answer either, just that the lady had said it was not on the bill and would need to be added.

Ahem, I worked retail for more years than I care to admit and this smells fishy. It was my job to pour through the receipts of the cashiers and try to figure out how they were stealing money. Lots of people got their walking papers because I was able to prove that they were using self-clipped coupons to get cash for themselves, or were playing scratch off lottery cards with no money on the HOPE that they would win and pay for the game... talk about gambling.

Another lovely little trick was for the cashier to take a common item with a simple price and just add it to the total they would request from the customer. Candy bars were a common tool for this ploy. The cashier would enter the items by hand, not including the candy bar. Once she had a total, she would add the cost of the last candy bar (say .75) to the sum of the customer's purchases. This way the customer was paying the correct amount of money and would not fuss. Then she would pocket that .75 for herself, causing the store a net loss of .75 cents. Done many times throughout the day, this would merit some nice pocket change and be attributed to shoplifting.

Of course this could also be done through the simple "no sale", where a customer would buy only the candy bar and hand a dollar to the cashier. The cashier would hit "no sale" which opens the register so that she could give a quarter back to the customer, then take out her three quarters. Skimming is probably the number one crime in retail outlets. But the smart ones didn't do this too much because the register makes note of every time the button is pushed. You would be surprised how many never understood that I could see what they were doing quite easily. This is why if you ask for change AFTER the sale at any Wal-Mart type place that they have to call a "key person" to come open the drawer.

Which leads me back to our Saturday night and 16 Euro which passed under the radar for the restaurant. The woman who brought our ticket was not the same young girl who waited on us all night, but instead was a slightly older and more experienced woman who I would consider a "head waitress" or something similar.

My questions are thus:
Did the head waitress do this on purpose?
If so, is she pocketing the money, or is the overhead going directly back into the business for some reason?
Why was the head waitress the one who came for our money? Why not the original waitress? Does the restaurant keep the tip money, or maybe split it themselves between waitstaff, bar tenders and clean up crew?
If they do split this money, do the staff actually get to see the correct amount of the money we give them?
Am I just being too suspicious?
Are years of doing this for a living having an impact on my bullshit-o-meter?

What do you think about it?
Anyone care to speculate?

Five years ago today...

Five years ago today I left my adopted hometown and moved to Berlin, Germany.

Five years ago
I awakened to the realization that "This is it". In a few hours I would be on a plane which would carry me across the Atlantic to live with Sweet No.

Five years ago
I gave Frank a "special pill" which would help him remain calm and hopefully help him hold his bladder for over 15 hours.

Five years ago
I called my mother to let her know that today is the day. I explained that my bed was being moved out of the apartment, the microwave was going to a neighbor, the cat box is in the trash (much to the chagrin of the dumpster-diver who crawled in a few minutes later), and "NO MOM, I'm not out of my cotton-picking mind".

Five years ago
I shoved Frank in a leather gym-bag-looking thing and told him that it was going to be just like our "dry runs"... that he would be getting out soon. (I just didn't tell him how long "soon" was.)

Five years ago
I walked away from my father and his wife as they stood in the Wichita airport and waved a bewildered good bye. Later my father confided that he wasn't sure he would ever see me again. This might explain the watery eyes and his strange insistence that I take a twenty dollar bill, "For the way there. You never know, you might just need it." (I still have that twenty. It stayed stashed in a special compartment of my wallet for over four years. Now it is on my desk.)

Five years ago
There was no way for me to explain to him that I had enough money, that I wasn't falling off the face of the Earth, and that I had thought this whole thing through many times. "For pete's sake Dad, I've been planning this a year."

Five years ago
I sat in Paris' Charles de Gaulle Airport and pondered my situation while the cat loudly expressed his discomfort and irritation at his situation. (Occasionally to amuse myself I closed the flaps on the bag and looked around at other people with interest and curiosity as though I too was trying to find the source of the howl which was at a volume and frequency only a Siamese cat can achieve.)

Five years ago
I was met at the Berlin airport by my Sweet No. For what seemed like an eternity we could only see each other through the glass as I waited in the secure area for my baggage. Eventually no new bags came, and yes as feared, once again Air France had lost one of my bags. GREAT. Now I'm even MORE thankful that I decided to pay the extra dough to keep the cat on the plane as carry on baggage. (The joke was on the guy who later had to deliver my bag - which weighed exactly 50.1 pounds - up four flights of stairs.)

Five years ago
I wheeled a cart out of security which held only one of my bags and a very pissy cat.

Five years ago
I knew the instant No and I hugged for the first time as a true "cohabitating couple" that four years of waiting for this moment was way too long and that my decision to move to be with her had been the right one.

Five years later... I look back on this time spent together and know deep in my heart that I have not regretted any of it, not for a moment.

Random Tuesday - Moving edition

Well, I gotta tell you that I'm feeling the relief of having all my "shit" in the same place.

This past weekend was "the big move" where most of our things made it from the old place to the new. I learned a few things in the process:

• Polish workers may be cheap, but they could use a watch and a calendar - They were supposed to be there on Friday at 10.00. We didn't even THINK about calling them until 11.00 simply because they are ALWAYS late. When we did call at 12.30, the team leader exclaimed, "You mean it's FRIDAY? I thought it was Thursday". Two ours after that... they showed up. They were due back last night at 8.00pm to fix a shower door. You guessed it, this morning was day three of showering without a door.
• Deutsche Telekom sucks no matter what - Yesterday was the day they were supposed to change the service from one house to the other. Ahem. No. It is certainly off at the other house... but let's just say that switch didn't make it to the new place. And we are paying 45 EUR for this fantastic switch service...
• When you tell the electric company in Germany to shut off electricity, they do it without fail... even if you weren't smart enough to vacuum the place before it was shut off.
• While using packing tape and tearing it with your teeth instead of the sensible way of using scissors, DO be mindful of where the sticky side is in relation to your lips... argh...
• On the bright side, numbering all boxes and having a sheet of paper with the basic contents listed for each box is freaking genius!

We had over 50 boxes moved in the last two weeks. Only 20 boxes remain, of those 10 are waiting on a new cabinet. Yippee!!

Changing tracks...
Choo choooooo...

Does anybody else wonder why in the world we don't have these stockpiled somewhere ready to send out to people in a crisis? Heck, even to those people who are just not near clean drinking water.
Michael Pritchard's water filter turns filthy water drinkable Take a few minutes and watch, I promise you will have the same attitude.

Changing tracks...
Choo choooooo...

OK, this House thing... I don't get it.
First you have to know that I don't receive American television, and haven't in some time.
But so many of my friends were crazy about House that I bought season one and watched two eps. Um... I don't get it. Did I get the wrong season? I would rather watch re-runs of Monk all day long than what I saw on the first two shows. At least Monk you have a CHANCE of figuring out what the solution is. How am I supposed to know that the person is sick from some strange disease that I've never heard of? Plus the character development... I don't really like this House guy in these eps. What's the big deal?

Changing tracks...
Choo choooooo...

Is anyone else in love with iGoogle like I am?

Changing tracks...
Choo choooooo...

OK, that's random enough for me. Head over to Keely the UnMom for more zaniness.

Been reading:

• New Rule: If America Can't Get it Together, We Lose the Bald Eagle - Bill Maher - Bill is a hardliner on this, and although I wouldn't put it so strongly, I must say that I do agree with much of what he is saying.
• Obama at the Precipice - I certainly don't envy him this decision. I bet it is actually the hardest of his presidency to date.
• The Mattress Wallet - Just because it is cute. My Grandma always kept her money in the mattress, she said it was the safest place (well, until the tornado took the house that is).

And finally... a video that almost made me spit my morning coffee all over the screen.

Photo Friday - Plants

Well, another Friday has rolled around. What a lovely day, eh? The weekend is coming and like every other week I get an e-mail inviting me to participate in Photo Friday.

The theme this week is "Plants". Hmm... I started to go through my Flickr account and found some quite reasonable possibilities, Bleeding Hearts, and even a quite seasonable Sunflower.

Why did I end up with this not so enchanting choice? Hmm. Possibly more because of the memory behind it.

July 2008 Snooker and Sweet No took off in the car for a driving vacation. First stop was Amsterdam and a k.d. Lang concert, then to the Alsace region of France for a visit to Strasbourg. After drinking in the wine groves we were to make our way to points unknown, perhaps in the Black Forest back in Germany or thereabouts.

But it was the short visit to Amsterdam which charmed my heart so. We did the normal touristy things of course, the cafes with their "special" brownies, the Van Gogh Museum, the Anne Frank House.

What had me completely beguiled was the feeling of the city itself. There might not be a way to describe it, other than to say it was .... unconstrained.

Crazy bicyclists are everywhere with what seems like no rules whatsoever. Alongside the bikes are scooters which are a free-for-all going wherever they please. And what few cars are allowed in the old town area have obviously made a deal with the devil to get a parking spot.

In the old town, the buildings are all situated close and tight, each one standing tall like a soldier protecting the canals. When I say tall, I am not thinking in mere height. The architecture doesn't really strike me as taller than Berlin buildings, they are simply much more tall than they are wide. Simply put, they are impossibly narrow. Each one of them are only about three small rooms wide maybe four flights high, with crazy-narrow staircases taking you always up, up, up. They all just look super cozy all huddled up together.

As I was having my fill of "space muffins", I could easily construct the illusion of the buildings standing alongside those canals with windows like eyes... watching, observing what was happening under them as the boats would drift peacefully by. No matter how my imagination would carry me, I never considered the buildings menacing as they loomed overhead. My thoughts assumed they would be looking down on the humans with loving, caring eyes which had seen much, but had never become indifferent or callous.

Amsterdam is a place I could live, and I don't say that about a lot of cities.

This picture was taken as we strolled along yet another bridge covering one of the canals. We noticed the flowers and stopped for a moment to enjoy the view. While holding hands we casually moved in closer together, supporting each other yet each standing on our own. After a few moments we wordlessly moved apart and continued on our way. Out came my always close at hand camera. Snap... and there you have it.

For most it is a OK picture of a canal, some trees, boats and of course the flowers. For me, it is a warm memory of a wonderful place shared with a very special person.

More pics of Amsterdam.

See more entries or participate yourself by visiting Photo Friday.

Yankee or Dixie?

So are you a Yank or does Dixie blood run through your veins?
Perhaps you are an expatriate from the U.S. and you're like me... been away so long these lines are not so clear.

Maybe the American readers would take 3 minutes and visit the Yankee/Rebel site for a short quiz.
Answer from your gut, the first relation you have.

As a person who is living outside of my native tongue I am frequently assaulted with the incredible differences we have in language usage. This little test just highlighted that I am a product of a great mixture of such "slang".

Personally I am 38% Dixie. I may have been raised by a Missouri Irish woman, but I guess that didn't sink in. You should see my answers though... ALL over the place.

Please if ya'all take the time to do the test, I would love to read a bit the results in the comments. (note that I threw in the ONE word which got me some points for being from the south).

Random Tuesday Thoughts - Uninspired Edition

Due to lack of interest, I'm thinking about canceling this blog post. The lack of interest is mine, or maybe the lack of initiative is a better choice of words.

This is one of those days where I feel like doing nothing. Oh maybe I would be happy curled up in bed with a good book, (I'm reading one now - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson) but reading is the extent of my desire today.

OK, I will make a decidedly half-hearted attempt at a RTT.

Because of rain in the forecast I chose against riding Mimi (baby blue scooter and my summer joy) to work today. The really bad aspect of this is that the morning was beautiful, and now as of lunch, the day is still quite lovely with nary a cloud in sight. Geeze.

We are boxing up everything and packing it away. How on earth am I to decide which DVD's I am comfortable not having close to me for as much as two months? Books are easier, I just keep out the ones I haven't read yet.

On my desk under one of the monitors is a cute little Berliner Bear Sweet No painted for me. He puts a smile on my face every time. I'm not sure if it is the bear or the thought of No painting it, but the smile feels lovely.

I think I will take the last half of my lunch today to get out of this office. Maybe a nice walk with the camera will inspire me.

OH OH... and thinking about the camera. No and I have been agonizing over the idea of purchasing a super cool new digital single lens reflex camera (Nikon D90 for my camera geek friends). It is not TOO HORRIBLY priced (€800/$1,145) but with moving and a long October vacation in Tahiti/New Zealand as well as going to Texas for Christmas, we've decided to curtail unnecessary spending. Today No emailed me that a local electronics store is going to celebrate an anniversary and that "if they offer a good deal on your camera, maybe we should just take the opportunity to buy it". AHEM! I almost dropped the mouse.

Been surfing:
The Women’s Crusade - This article has really got me thinking about how good I have it. when compared with so many other women in the world. I'm going to look into the Microfinancing that Adam has spoken about in the past. It is about time to start giving back to my fellow woman. "In many poor countries, the greatest unexploited resource isn’t oil fields or veins of gold; it is the women and girls who aren’t educated and never become a major presence in the formal economy." The article is long and involved, but it has really started me thinking about how simple things can help to change the world.

That's about it for me. Head on over to Keely to see what she's up to. She's the one who started me on this whole Random Tuesday Thoughts thing.

Oh, and before I leave, I must shamelessly steal something from a friend/blogger Cliff from Regensblog.
For everyone out there who deals with computers and asks help from those of us "geeks".
For all of you geeks who are tired of being the king of the computers.

I offer to you the Tech Support Cheat Sheet!
(click the pic to embiggen)

Photo Friday - Big and Small

An entry for Photo Friday with the theme "Big and Small"
It isn't necessarily very artistic. It isn't really very good.
But for me it was a moment in time.

I was on a whirlwind trip of London. Really I would be there for only a few hours, and I'd decided to spend them seeing as much of the city as I could. The weather was absolutely fabulous for an April day in a city known for rainy/crappy/cool weather. The tour bus I was on took me through the major touristy points of the city and allowed me to get off and on as I wished. This is the aspect I love the most. When the bus stops I get off and walk a two square block area, just taking it all in. By the time I get back to the bus stop, the next bus is ready to whisk me off to more discoveries.

This particular shot was taken from the bus itself (thank goodness for the open top double-decker). To tell you the absolute truth I cannot even pinpoint exactly where this is. (Perhaps a more frequent visitor could help with that?)

As we tooled around a corner these two HUGE lion sculptures took over the landscape with a couple hundred itty bitty people milling around. When we drew closer my eyes focused on this young man and girl sitting at the foot of one of them.

In my imagination (I freely admit that it is WAY overactive), they are brother and sister. His mom made him put her up there and then he popped up there himself for a quick photo by his frantic parents. In an exaggerated attempt to look cool, the young man draws a sip from his Coke can. Thinking that she should also try to fit in with this coolness, his little sister begins to tap her thighs to an imaginary beat.

For me "big and small" is not only the lion juxtaposed against the humans... but also the two kids with about ten years in between, on a trip with mom and dad, posed at the foot of a huge statue, trying their best to act nonchalant and give their parents guilt because they are so obviously not having any fun.

See more entries or participate yourself by visiting Photo Friday.
See more of the London photos.

Stepping into the fire

Sadness and anger enveloped me as I read of the assassination of Dr. George Tiller in my hometown, Wichita, Kansas. First a little back history. Dr. Tiller was one of few doctors left in the country who would allow women to exercise their legal right to control their reproductive decisions.

The most controversial thing about Dr. Tiller was that he was almost alone in Kansas, let alone the country for performing late second and third term abortions. He was dealing with families who were making heartbreaking decisions to end their pregnancies in late gestation because of the knowledge that the fetus had unalterable abnormalities which could either be life-threatening and/or would cause severe disabilities, both physical and mental.

His life and the lives of his family were in almost constant danger simply because he was faithful to the law that gives women the right to choose abortion over problem pregnancies. The year I graduated high school, his clinic was bombed. In 1991 while I was being robbed at gunpoint, the police officer who responded to the call seventy minutes later apologized because Operation Rescue's "Summer of Mercy" anti-abortion protests at Tiller's clinic were taking the resources of so many officers that they were understaffed. In 1993 someone shot Dr. Tiller in both arms which was as you can see just one of several murder attempts made previous to the one which ended his life as he was serving as an usher in his family church last Sunday.

OK, let's step back for a moment. I don't need to tell the reader that abortion is a terribly divisive subject. Even those who identify as being for reproductive rights will lay the line in different places, either for the right to use contraceptives but no abortion, or for abortion but just in the first trimester, or allowance for abortion up into the second trimester.

As a lesbian who does not intend to have a baby I feel that I have about as much of a say about abortion as the average man. No guy has an idea what it is like to miss a period and wonder - no, FEAR - that a pregnancy has started. They've never questioned themselves about what would happen if the person 50% responsible drops out of their lives when they find out that their sex games have consequences which will have dirty diapers.

Also as a lesbian I have never felt the stirring of a fetus in my womb and filled with joy at the thought of bringing another human life into this world. Thus I cannot even begin to understand the horror which a woman who pines for a child yet is barren would feel when considering that abortion is one of the most performed surgeries in America today with over twenty-five percent of pregnancies being ended prematurely.

I'm not going to get into the right and the wrong of what Dr. Tiller was doing in his clinic every day. All I can say is that it was sanctioned by the law in Kansas, and for me that is where it ends.

What I can speak about is my disgust for vigilante justice. No individual has the moral right to become judge, jury and executioner. Due process of the law must be respected in modern society or anarchy prevails.

This man was the fourth abortion doctor to be killed by a vigilante in the last few decades. Is the pro life movement a bunch of fringe lunatic terrorists? No, I wouldn't say that anymore than I would say that the gay rights groups are terrorists. I would say that they are both trying to get laws changed according to what they believe is right.

What I do take issue with is the anger and violent words spewed forth by the pro life movement since Roe v Wade. As a Wichitan in the early 90's I was subjected daily to anti-abortion activists holding up signs with pictures of bloody body parts and screams that I should be in the protest with them if I found the practice disgusting. Witnessing a ten year old child screaming "You're going to murder your baby you stupid bitch" as a tearful pregnant woman with her head down hurried into the nine foot iron gates of Tiller's clinic. All of this as the child's assumed mother looked on with a gleam in her eye. This was for me the epitome of repugnance.

People like Bill O'Reilly have been inciting anger and violence against individuals like Tiller for years. Does this make him partially responsible? By the way, it turns out the man suspected in Dr. Tiller's murder was a huge O'Reilly fan. Are we surprised?

No doubt Bill has come back and said that it was not his intention to incite violence, he may even decry the murder, but there is plenty of evidence that he himself has said that he would like to do away with Dr. Tiller. But then again, let's just add this to a long list of things I don't appreciate about Bill. Nah, he's just spewing those hateful words to reach his base. The problem for me is, his base seems to be OK hearing it. Of course Dr. Tiller was under attack long before O'Reilly even had a show, so blaming him just seems stupid, right?

If you believe in a woman's right to choose you have a duty, even a right to speak out against those who would take that away. If you believe that abortion is murder, you also have a duty and a right to speak out against this practice. Welcome to America. Freedom of speech is a strongly held belief. But does either side have the right to incite violence for the cause?

Just like everyone else I filter the news through my own life's experiences. I have to look at this from my perspective with a minor change. If I were standing in front of a Wichita city official trying to obtain a marriage license for me and my Sweet No, allowing her to immigrate to America and for us to be together, would I be driven to murder because this person says that two women are not entitled to this right? Will I incite others to commit murder if they are in similar circumstances? Would I stand by and listen as someone in the gay community called for the murder of people withholding these rights? The answer to these questions, an unequivocal no.

I am just as frustrated as many of the average anti-abortion people, why would I not be willing to listen to my community leaders calling for the death of all those responsible for withholding my rights? Because I know it is wrong.

No, those people are doing their job, upheld by the law. Until that law changes, those people should be protected for doing their jobs. They certainly don't deserve to die any more than Dr. George Tiller did.

My thoughts are with Dr. Tiller's wife, children and grandchildren in this time of sorrow.

“However profound our differences as Americans over difficult issues such as abortion, they cannot be resolved by heinous acts of violence.” - President Barack Obama

Been reading:

• Abortion: A Response to the Pro-Life Arguments
• The Politics of "Murder"
• Pro-Life Tiller Response Continues: Shooting Abortion Practitioner Not Pro-Life
• No Vigilante Violence Against Abortionists!
• Abortion-rights groups: Other side's words led to Tiller death

Life's lessons

Not long after my mother kicked me out of the house, she went all soppy on me and sent me a book, "Life's Little Instruction Book". Strange thing from a woman who had only months before told me that she didn't want to see me again.

I guess Ma was trying to reach out and teach me things she figured she wouldn't be around for. How funny to expect a book to do that... a book which must be opened and ingested.

The time was not right for me and this book. Understandably it was a rough period in an already pretty shitty existence. I thumbed through the pages quickly, but none of the entries hit home in my stupid teenager mind so the cute little paperback went into a box and did not come out until years later.

When I was in my early 20's I stumbled upon this book again. Even though it carried with it so many bad memories I read through each of the pages and considered each short sentence offering wisdom for life.

Some of them were quite down to Earth:
"Check for toilet paper before sitting down." (uh huh, I've rarely been burned on that one)
"Marry a woman you love to talk to. As you get older her conversational skills will be as important as any other" (I think that I've managed this quite well, thank you)
"Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one." (usually this is a thinly veiled suggestion, one which I often use myself when faced with someone who suffers from temporary halitosis)
"Never cut things which can be untied" (yeah, this is true on so many levels)

While others were more abstract, and gave me pause:
"Don't confuse comfort for happiness." (ooo... this took a while to understand)
"Life will sometimes hand you a magical moment, savor it." (very much like the roses thing, but more succinct - I use this often)
"Let some things remain mysterious." (I have a harder time with this one)

Even with what I often feel is a swiss cheese brain, these short and simple sentences have remained front and center in my thoughts for years. People have told me that I should have studied philosophy or something, they say it because I have a different way of looking at life. What I secretly think is that I've taken to heart many of the things found in this book. Even if it weren't for the book, I think I would have a different outlook on life simply because of the way I've lived it.

But the one simple saying from the book which I remember the best, the one that prods me the hardest:
"Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation."
Oh Honey! This is it. It says so much, but without pointing fingers.
It goes right along with the train of thought that says you should take responsibility for your own actions, and I love it. The world would be a better place if people were to automatically take responsibility for their own actions.

Another "life lesson" which was not in the book in so many words, but certainly keeps hitting me in the head is "You're right about that".

In my 30's I was a HUGE PBS (public television) viewer/supporter. One of the specials I would clamor to watch was Dr. Wayne Dyer. Here's a guy I could really wrap my brain around. His concept that just allowing someone to be right is a powerful idea. He said things like, "If you have the choice to be right or to be kind... always choose to be kind."

One of his monolougues was heavy with the thought that arguing over the little things makes no sense and could possibly be counterproductive when the bigger things come along. If you have no idea how to bend and be flexible with the minutiae of life, the serious crap is going to make you snap. I've found this to be true in so many divisions of my life, not just with my partner, but with family members, coworkers, everyone. "You're right about that"... try it, it doesn't hurt too badly.

This brings me to the thing that got me started on all of this. I don't even know who's blog it was that I saw this... only that they said the writer was 90 when in actuality she's just turned 50. Whoops.

As I read this it occurs to me that there are some sections of my life in which I could really use some work. Namely #'s 4, 9, 28, 29, and 42.
How about it, what do you think you could do better in your life?

Written By Regina Brett, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio . "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 50 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.