Friday, November 19, 2010

Truths for Mature Adults

The numbered sentences you are about to read were shamelessly stolen. However, I'm certain it wasn't the first world-wide occurrence of Internet theft this month, this week, day, minute, or millisecond for that matter.

The blog I've victimized is normally written by Maria of "just eat your cupcake". Very rarely does she copy/paste her entries, and the rare meme is usually popped back out as a question for her readers.

Hers is a blog which is written directly through the outwardly guarded heart of a 50-something, American Mid-western mother in a long-term relationship with a woman she met in college.

She has a talent for unfolding her past and exposing her present for us to see, and doing it beautifully I might add. She can turn a phrase and tell a tale. I dare you to read this entry which is a primer for Maria's life. It is bit long for the average Netizen, but at least take a tour and see if you like. 

Back to the thievery. I've stolen one of her posts and added some other things I've had locked away for some time. 

Number 11 is my favorite of all, I think. (Bad decisions make good stories.) Isn't that the truth? Some of the most interesting people I've ever met have made some of the biggest life f**kups I've ever heard of.


TRUTHS FOR MATURE ADULTS

1) I think part of a best friend's job upon your death should be to immediately wipe your computer history.

2) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3) I totally take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5) How the hell are you supposed to reasonably fold a fitted sheet?

6) Was learning cursive really necessary?

7) When asked, no one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

8) Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

9) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

10) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I call back immediately, it rings six times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

11) Bad decisions make good stories.

12) People who eat at hotel restaurants, don’t deserve to visit other countries.

11) You never know when it will strike but occasionally there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13) I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

14) Police officers always ask you questions you both know the answer to.

15) Bluetooth headsets look completely moronic.

16) Good music was made (and continues to be made) in every decade. People claiming otherwise tend to have stopped listening to music in whatever decade they say was the best.

14) Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

15) I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

16) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17) Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

18) When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

19) When you have 10 channels, you can always find something to watch. When you have 500, you complain there’s nothing on.

19) Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie/read a book/listen to a song that I ran across when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw/read/heard it.

20) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble fishing their car keys out of their pocket or locating their mobile phones. But I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

22) Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

23) Flight deals continue to be reported without taxes included, even though everyone hates this.

24) Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

25) The first testicular guard, the "Cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is important too.

Hey, remember to visit Maria's blog.

6 comments:

C N Heidelberg said...

#16 FTW!

Jul said...

It's funny 'cause it's true.

C N Heidelberg said...

I just realized there are two #16s. I refer to the music one. :)

Goofball said...

right on :)

AstroYoga said...

That is awesome!!!

sarah1976 said...

I very much dig the "avoid ghetto" thing. I've ended up strolling briskly through some sketchy-ass areas, thanks to Google Maps combined with my own ignorance.