Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Where is the disconnect?

OK Blogworld... I'm turning to you because I have no idea who else to turn to. I've never found the answers to the questions below, and I actually sincerely doubt that anyone reading will have the answer, but I'm willing to put it out there if you are willing to read it.

Please note that I am paraphrasing a conversation had between three friends today. Not all of this is my words, but they certainly are my feelings.

Am I crazy? Mentally defective? You be the judge.

When I feel that my hair is too long, I cut it.
When I have leg cramps, I eat more bananas or take Magnesium.
When I feel tired, I go to sleep.
When I realize that I can't see so well, I put on my glasses.
When I realize that I have gained weight, I get depressed and eat even more.

WHAT is this?
Where is the disconnect?
Why are we like this?

I know I'm not alone because my friends and I have talked about this often. Books have been written, exercise facilities have been constructed, libraries full of information have been compiled, thus I know that I am not alone in this.

Of course I know that I shouldn't be hanging out with the "fat kids" because their acceptance of their body shape gives me the freedom to accept mine. But I can't stand sitting through lunch with a person who takes five bites and pushes the half full plate away saying that they are "too full".

Too full? WHAT IS THAT? I don't think I've ever felt it.
I know that I have felt miserable from eating too much food.
I know that I have eaten so much at times that I have felt the need to loosen my pants.
But what is this TOO FULL thing? I've never had that.
I'm not even sure I've been "full enough" to just stop eating.
Generally I eat until whatever is before me is gone.

So what is it?
Have you ever felt this way?
Do you have some advice for three ladies who had this discussion while walking back to the office after a grand display of eating abilities at the local sushi buffet?

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Christina | said...

I've certainly felt that way. For a while, I'd diet then when I started getting attention, I'd go on a binge and self-sabotage.

I think weight is just a tough thing for some people. When we're unhappy, we turn to -something- to make us happier (the "thing" part of that is a whole nother issue, I think we've been taught to turn to things instead of people). For some people it's cigarettes, for some it's sex, and for some it's the sushi bar.

Most of my life I've been around my size, but I did get very thin for a couple years and there is a point where you are thin and you're too full. I remember during that period being able to eat three days on one restaurant portion of food (I was in college, so it was very economical).

I think you have to accept who you are. When I'm unhappy with myself, I eat, but when I feel good about myself, I don't feel the need to eat as much. So I think hanging out with people who accept themselves for who they are is not a bad thing. Hanging out with people who will sabotage your efforts to lose weight is.

Good luck and hang in there! -BIG HUGS-

headbang8 said...

Anyone who can feel full at a sushi bar is anorexic.

C N Heidelberg said...

I think it's harder than the other things you listed (eating bananas for cramps or what have you) because you cannot get immediate results. If you just slip your glasses on you can see right away. If you diet/exercise for months and months and months then you might see some progress (maybe. all depends.). It's easy to just say screw that - life is short, pass the awesome Schwarzwald Becher or whatever.

I get you on the being with 'full' people too. I was actually really pissy one day when I wanted to meet 3 friends for lunch and 2 of them said they just weren't hungry but were willing to come. They were going to just SKIP lunch entirely while watching me feed my greedy face?!?! That's how it felt anyway. If I skip lunch I will be evil incarnate by 2pm. I'm just not dainty :(

I can get too full but it is rare. Usually I only get too full for more of the same thing but could always slide in some more of something different. (Can't take any more bites of salad but that pepperoni pizza will do....)

Anyway. I guess I'm just commiserating because I don't have much in the way of advice. :/ Just that if you are trying to lose, it will take time, and whatever habits you develop to get there, you have to keep to stay there. It can be done!!

Tammy B said...

I hope you find something that makes you feel full. I have been fortunate not to have to struggle with weight (yet?), but I can see that it is one of the hardest things that people struggle with in western cultures where food gets so intertwined with emotions. Each person who finds a solution seems to find a unique solution.

I can only share with you a summary of the path to liberation mentioned in the Yoga Sutras:
- step 1 - recognize that there is suffering
- step 2 - recognize that it doesn't need to be this way and you have the power to change it.
- step 3 - move toward things that help reduce suffering (how's that for lack of specificity?)
- step 4 - the things that do not serve you will begin to drop away without effort as you surround yourself with more things that do serve you.

This is kind of overly simplified, but it is basically the method I use to overcome challenges in my life. If you take a journey investigating or changing your weight, please blog about it! I'm sure you would help others.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I feel kind of bad chiming in because I don't have weight issues. I'm actually probably too thin (not by choice, it's just my genetics, I've stayed the same weight since I was 20 but I eat plenty of cake and peanut butter cups!)

I think it's really hard for a lot of people when they realize they've gained weight. They feel upset and figure if I'm already overweight what's another cookie/donut/candy. It's a really hard habit to break.

When I get upset I don't eat - which isn't good either. I just never feel like eating when I'm 'in a mood'. I hope you can find a way to get healthy which I think is far more important than the number on the scale anyway.

Like the previous poster - blog about it. I know there are a lot of people who feel the same way. Especially with the holidays right around the corner.

AKCB said...

I've been doing a program called Naturally Slim offered at my office. The program talks a lot about portion control, realizing when you're actually hungry, eating slowly and realizing when you're comfortably full. But, as Tammy & Christina mentioned, the program also discusses how food is used to divert us from or substitute for our emotions.

One of the things I've found most enlightening is the program's discussion of Real Needs: things that bring satisfaction and reduce stress. They ask you to find 7 Needs you have and work to make those more prevalent in your life, even if it means changing jobs, moving, etc. The point being that if when you start experiencing real satisfaction and a lack of stress day after day you're much less likely to crave the immediate satisfaction of something salty or sweet.

But some of that's easier said then done. So I don't really have any answers. But I've lost 15 pounds (and haven't denied myself any of the foods I love) and am considering a job change as soon as my credit cards are paid off.

I'm working on a blog post for when the first 10 weeks are up (I'm at week 8). If I have some great revelation, I'll be sure and include it, but it seems as "simple" as realizing what you want to be and making active changes to be that way.

DTB said...

See you say sushi buffet and that distracts me from the who rest of the post. Hmmm...sushi.

Right. Eating a lot when depressed, been there. And never feeling full (and certainly not too full!), also been there. I have a problem of eating too fast, and the idea is that the brain doesn't get the signal of full until it's too late. And by too late I mean eat so much that I feel sick (but not something I would consider "full").

Maybe these people have mind powers to convince themselves that five bites is full. Or they seriously eat so little that there stomach doesn't hold very much. Or, they secretly munched down on 3 giant fast food burgers while hiding in the handicap restroom before lunch as to keep the appearance they "eat like a bird."

And if anything hopefully my comment was amusing and will make everyone feel better about themselves.

Jan said...

Have I ever felt that way?


Eating - it's my favorite sport, and I'm damn competitive.

I have no advice for you. But I am going to read ALL of the comments on this post with great interest, in hopes that A Skinny will be able to offer me some insight, as well.

But after 46 years, I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you.

Yelli said...

Have you read any Michael Pollan? I have found through reading his books and using the common sense provided, I eat less naturally. (He did not write a diet book BTW)

Also, his 20 rules for living are great!

Raven said...

I have always struggled with my weight and feel like this all the time. My main problem is I'm an emotional eater. If I feel depressed or angry or shameful, which I do a lot, I run straight for the fridge. I need to find a better way to deal with my emotions but I'm not sure how. The Buddhists would say just sit with the emotion and don't do anything to try to 'fix' it but I've never been able to do that. And who knows, maybe there's other reasons I eat too?

So basically, I guess I can't answer this question for you cuz I haven't answered it for myself yet. But, if you find out the answer please let me know.

All this talk about eating has made me hungry. lol

Have a wonderful day,


jen said...

hello? Been there and have the shirt. I had gastric bypass surgery to perhaps not belong to the club, but you know what i found out even with a stomach the size of a small banana? I might feel physically full, but I never get enough mentally/emotionally. If not for my limited intake, I could just eat and eat and eat. that's why they refer to gastric bypass as a tool, not an end all solution. you have to battle the same problems, but the GB makes it easier in the pysical sense, but the mental scheisse is a horse of a different color.

The Antiques Diva™ said...

If you find out the answer to this question - you might have have found an answer to solve all the problems of the female world!!! I enjoyed eavesdropping on your "conversation"!!
Do hope you're well!